here's to getting through a girl's first heartbreak, 7/13/10

keeping my chin up...

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Jack Johnson-Better Together

There's no combination of words
I could put on the back of a postcard,
No song that I could sing
But I can try for your heart,
Our dreams, and they are made out of real things,
Like a shoebox of photographs,
With sepiatone loving,
Love is the answer
At least for most of the questions in my heart ,
Like why are we here? And where do we go?
And how come it's so hard?
It's not always easy,
And sometimes life can be deceiving,
I'll tell you one thing, its always better when we're together

[Chorus:]
MMM, it's always better when we're together
Yeah, we'll look at the stars when we're together
Well, it's always better when we're together
Yeah, it's always better when we're together

[Verse 2:]
And all of these moments
Just might find their way into my dreams tonight
But I know that they'll be gone,
When the morning light sings
And brings new things,
But tomorrow night you see
That they'll be gone too,
Too many things I have to do,
But if all of these dreams might find their way
Into my day to day scene
I'll be under the impression,
I was somewhere in-between
With only two,
Just me and you
Not so many things we got to do,
Or places we got to be
We'll sit beneath the mango tree now

Yeah, it's always better when we're together
MMM, We're somewhere in-between together
Well, it's always better when we're together
Yeah, it's always better when we're together


I believe in memories
They look so, so pretty when I sleep
Hey now, and when, and when I wake up,
You look so pretty sleeping next to me
But there is not enough time,
And there is no, no song I could sing
And there is no combination of words I could say
But I will still tell you one thing,
We're better together

I found this on a friend's facebook page...and loved it, and needed a place to post it so that I can refer it whenever I need be.

Have A Little Faith
By: Mitch Albom

There was a chapter titled, "A Good Marriage," that was worth sharing.

------------------"A Good Marriage" ---------------

"Can you predict which marriages will survive? I asked.

'Sometimes,' he said. "If they're communicating well, they have a good chance. If they have a similar belief system, similar values, they have a good chance.'

What about Love?

'Love they should always have. But love changes.'

'What do you mean?'

'Love - the infatuation kind - 'he's so handsome, she's so beautiful'- that can shrivel. As soon as something goes wrong, that kind of love can fly out the window.

On the other hand, a true love can enrich itself. It gets tested and grows stronger. Like in Fiddler on the Roof? You remember? When Tevye sings 'Do You Love Me?'?"

Religion. Tradition. Community. And a husband and wife - Tevye and Golde- whose love is proven through actions, not words.

'When she says, 'How can you ask if I love you? Look at all I've done with you. What else would you call it?'

'THAT kind of love - the kind you realize you already have by the life you've created together - that's the kind that lasts.'

The Reb was lucky to have such a love with Sarah. It had endured hardships by relying on cooperation - and selflessness. The Reb was fond of telling young couples, 'Remember, the only difference between "marital" and "martial" is where you put the i.'

He also, on occasion, told the joke about a man who complains to his doctor that his wife, when angry, gets historical.

"You mean hysterical," the doctor says.

"No, historical," the man says. "She lists the *history* of every wrong thing I've ever done!"

Still, the Reb knew that marriage was an endangered institution. He'd officiated for couples, seen them split, then officiated when they married someone else.

'I think people expect too much from marriage today,' he said.

'They expect perfection. Every moment should be bliss. That's TV or movies. But that is not the human experience.'

'Like Sarah says, twenty good minutes here, forty good minutes there, it adds up to something beautiful. The trick is when things aren't so great, you don't junk the whole thing. It's okay to have an argument. It's okay that the other one nudges you a little, bothers you a little. It's a part of being close to someone.

'But the joy you get from that same closeness - when you watch your children, when you wake up and smile at each other - that, as our tradition teaches us, is a blessing. People forget that.'

'Why do they forget?'

'Because the word "commitment" has lost its meaning. I'm old enough to remember when it used to be a positive. A committed person was someone to be admired. He was loyal and steady. Now a commitment is something you avoid. You don't want to tie yourself down.

'It's the same with faith, by the way. We don't want to get stuck having to go to services all the time, or having to follow all the rules. We don't want to commit to God. We'll take Him when we need Him, or when things are going good.

But real commitment? That requires staying power - in faith and in marriage.'

'And if you don't commit' I asked.

'Your choice. But you miss what's on the other side.'

'What's on the other side?'

"Ah." He smiled. "A happiness you cannot find alone."

Learning to Love

An email Pops sent me...

During a seminar, a woman asked," How do I know if I am with the right
person?" the author then noticed that there was a large man sitting next
to her so he said, "It depends. Is that your partner?" In all
seriousness, she answered "How do you know?" Let me answer this question
because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind replied the
author. Here's the answer.

Every relationship has a cycle...In the beginning; you fall in love with
your partner. You anticipate their calls, want their touch, and like
their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love wasn't hard. In fact, it was a
completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO
anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love.

People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Picture the
expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing,
and then something happened TO YOU. Falling in love is a passive and
spontaneous experience. But after a few months or years of being
together, the euphoria of love fades. It's a natural cycle of EVERY
relationship.

Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all),
touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's
idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of
this stage vary with every relationship; you will notice a dramatic
difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much
duller or even angry subsequent stage. At this point, you and/or your
partner might start asking, "Am I with the right person?" And as you
reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to
desire that experience with someone else. This is when relationships
breakdown.

The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person;
it's learning to love the person you found.

People blame their partners for their unhappiness and look outside for
fulfillment. Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes.
Infidelity is the most common. But sometimes people turn to work, a
hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer
to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your relationship. It lies within
it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You
could. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same
situation a few years later.

Because (listen carefully to this): The key to succeeding in a
relationship is not finding the right person; it's learning to love the
person you found.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. You have to
work on it day in and day out. It takes time, effort, and energy. And
most importantly, it demands WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make
it work. Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are
specific things you can do (with or without your partner). Just as there
are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws
for relationships. If you know and apply these laws, the results are
predictable. Love is therefore a "decision". Not just a feeling.

Always Remember this : Worldly events determine who walks into your
life. It is up
to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you
refuse to let GO!!

Letter to my Grandpa

My paternal Grandma passed away on 6/6/09. After some sleepless nights and a cloudy state of mind, I've finally built up the courage to write my Grandpa a letter. I know death is a part of life, and everyone has their time to go. The thing that hurts me the most is to know that one day we will lose our companion. Sure, "don't get too attached" they say--but that bond of love and companionship is inevitable. Love doesn't die when a person does, and I know my Grandparents had their own way of doing things that made their love so obvious to the outside world.
I am so thankful for being able to visit them last October when I went to India. There were laughs and words shared with my Grandma that are ingrained in my memory. She was a very humorous person, and always thanked me for teaching her to forget about the nonsense dramatic lives people in India often live. Her laugh was such a loud cry of happiness, and it always had you laughing even if something wasn't funny. We shared the same joy in imitating people and making light of a situation. Her discipline and laugh will forever hold a place in my mind and heart. I'll miss you Daadi, rest in peace.

The letter:

June 10, 2009
Dearest Dada,

I hope you are coping well. The sad news was a shock to all of us, and the important thing is for us to have our family members surround us in order to provide comfort. I am thankful for being able to spend time with both of you when I came to India last October. I have engrained certain moments and words Daadi and I shared, and consider them a significant influence in my life.
How are you doing? Right now everybody must be visiting in and out of the house to keep you company. You have lost your companion but please do not feel you are all alone. You are fortunate to have your brothers, Naimish Kaka/Hema Kaki and Sapna/Harshal nearby to take care of you and keep you company. Spending time with Sapna and Harshal will keep your mind off of things because a growing kid's life always has something new and spontaneous going on.
I miss Daadi very much, but I also understand these things a part of life and everyone has their time to go. On Thursday, as you all are participating in the "uthamnu, " we will be visiting a Mandir and conducting some prayers. On Friday, Dad's friend K.B. Uncle is coming in the evening and we will be chanting some slokas and verses from the Gita. As a final closure, Bina Fai family and us will visit a nearby Balaji Mandir and then eat dinner consisting of Daadi's favorite foods.
To provide you a change of scenery, you can consider coming here and staying with us for however long. Bina Fai is coming there in a few weeks, so this should make you feel good as well.

Whosever life Daadi's soul is destined to touch, we know that person will live a good life just as Daadi did. Please take care of yourself and surround yourself amongst our close family members so that you do not feel alone. We are here for you should you need anything.

Love and Peace,
Nisha

A Duty Revisited

In my "religion" although it merely is, it has been a forever fact that each of us exist to serve an individual duty. As humans, our sole purpose for existence is to convey a duty through consistent action. Everything is done in hopes of ultimately omitting ourselves from this cycle of returning as another version in order to take care of unfinished business from a past life.

HOW?

How do we know what each of us are here to fulfill? Many believe we all share one duty: to serve. To serve those less fortunate than us, to give more and take less, and to complete a responsibility in every role we play in life. But is serving really a united duty? Are we all here for the same exact reason despite the dynamic lifestyle we've all resorted to?

I often question the validity of the belief that we share a united duty. I say this because our experiences are what distinguish us as individuals. In a microscopic view, we are all different. In a macroscopic sense, everyone is connected. Although our overall purpose is the same, our means to achieve it is not.

I'm starting to believe that a person's duty becomes evident based on a pattern of similar experiences that occur in a given lifestyle. Maybe everything we go through is a karmic reaction from a past life. Essentially, one may be living in the perspective of a person he/she hurt in their previous life. After all, isn't that the way we're taught to empathize with other people? Do we not encourage our peers to put themselves in other peoples' shoes to get a better grip on a situation?

Reflections. If we reflect on our own curve balls in life through the eyes of another person, perhaps this will open the door of an epiphany of what our own duty is. For the sake of comic relief, I'd say finding out what we were in our past life is like the phrase "how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?"...the world may never know. BUT, maybe one way to find out is to put things that happen to us in someone else's perspective. This will enable us to realize why we face the trials and tribulations that we do.

Consider this: the lives we live are essentially a series of the same images from previous lives. Our duty is really to revisit these images that change because our perceptions change. It takes cycles to cover all viewpoints and understand the standard emotions of love, hate, happy and healthy. Once the stage has been set and you've had a chance to play different roles in the same scene, your duty is then fulfilled.

*addendum to follow

Khush sent this and I thought it was hilarious....

Pants and Panties



Mike was going to be married to Karen
so his Father sat him down for a little chat.

He said, 'Mike, let me tell you s om ething.
On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants, handed them to your Mother, and said, 'Here, try these on.''

She did and said, 'These are too big.
I can't wear them.'

I replied, 'Exactly.. I wear the pants in
this family and I always will.'



Ever since that night, we have
never had any problems.

'Hmmm,' said Mike. He thought that might be a good thing to try.

On his honeymoon, Mike took off his pants and said to Karen, 'Here, try these on..'

She tried them on and said, 'These are too large. They don't fit me.'



Mike said, 'Exactly. I wear the pants in this family

and I always will. I don't want you to ever forget that.'

Then Karen took off her panties and handed them to Mike. She said, 'Here, you try on mine.'

Mike did and said,
'I can't get into your panties.'

Karen said, 'Exactly. And if you don't change
your smart-ass attitude, you never will.'